


Tonight, Tonight

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-23
Updated: 2005-12-23
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: This is the beginning or the end, which she is never sure. She just knows that she is standing here on the brink of love, and he is standing there staring at her with those eyes. She remembers innocence and dreams of its return, knowing it can never be. Tonight, Tonight she would know, one way or the other.





	Tonight, Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

She shivered as darkness surrounded them, despite the heat of the night. Whispers of warm wind blew across her skin and attempted to fix the damage that couldn’t be undone. The cold and damp, you see, was in her soul. Her very being was infected, with no hopes of recovery. Recovery must be wanted, after all.

 

That’s what she tells herself as the light comes back. It is only for a moment, but a moment is enough. You see his eyes and you break, a million little pieces littered on the ground, everywhere and in everything. You never could resist those eyes. Her knees would be weak, she knew, if she would only let them, weak in that picture-perfect, movie magic way that has never had anything to do with her life. She’s not that girl. She’s not. Now she only has to believe her own words and the deed would be sealed and done. She only has to believe what her heart tells her is a lie. A smirk twists her lips. Easy.

 

The light comes again, and the eyes are back, wiping away her defiance once more. She’s putty in his hands, his to meld and play with like a marionette, and the self satisfied smile flickering on and off, like the light, tells her he knows. That’s the worst part. He knows. He knows that all her hatred is a barely possible act, and that one kiss and she’s his. She wonders if she wants the kiss to come. 

 

The blackness is back, strands of it wrapping around them, driving him from her sight. She can think clearly when he’s gone. Out of sight, and out of mind, she chants silently, the words a lie. They’re dead and meaningless, and tonight the lie won’t take. Tonight, tonight, she can’t convince herself to believe them. Tonight she’s his if he steps a little closer. The final reckoning is upon her, and her defences are wanting. She is finding herself lonely. She doesn’t want that anymore. She’s sick of being strong. She’s sick of the solitary existence such strength inevitably brings. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore. Even the darkness won’t save her tonight. 

 

When the light next comes back, he’s ready for her, those eyes twinkling in a way she could never refuse. She’d be his willing slave, no restraints required, if he would only ask. She’d do a lot on his whim alone. This scares her. Power always has. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s; she’s never been one for true love and forever, until moments before now. She doesn’t understand the reasons people pledge themselves to forever, as if love isn’t such as fickle thing. There, she’s allowed herself to think it. Love. That’s her culprit, she knows, the reason for her bending and breaking at his feet. 

 

Love. Another shiver runs through her, beginning in her spine and spawning. She wraps her arms around herself, wishing they were his. The warm wind comes again as the light flickers then dies once more. She wishes her conviction would die with it, and then she could begin her purging. If you lock something away, far enough away, then it can’t get you. She knows this is not a possibility, but wishes it all the same. Mourns it, even. She wonders when she became this, wonders if there has ever been a return from this place. Hopes she can be the first. Knows that this can never happen, and then lets the dream die away. This kind of practical has always been her way; she’s never bothered with self-delusion. What’s the point?

 

The light comes back, and it’s brighter now, without rhyme or reason. She can see more then his outline and a glow of his eyes, a glow that seemed to come from within him, himself. Goodness, some might call it. She’s always considered it to be a type of defiance before now unchartered, almost the unexplained willfulness never lost from childhood. Now she knew she was making things up. She was going to go crazy, standing on this spot, yet she couldn’t seem to wrench herself away. They were standing stuck in a stalemate that had to be broken. 

 

She could hear distant music; that was how silent the night was. It was a single instrument, with no voice in accompaniment and nothing else disturbing it. I came from an open window and swirled about, mournful and slow. It was death music, she thought distantly. It was beautiful, too. 

 

She still hated it. The part of her that he had already conquered hated it in a way that she couldn’t express. Even the part of her that was screaming no with all its might against him, was fighting the music too, because she knew that it was true. This was an end. Whether she walked away from tonight with a romance or a broken heart, it would be an end. He had made that clear. She had to make a choice, yes or no, fight or flight, love or hate, and she had to make it tonight. 

 

They had been standing there for what seemed like ever after, but she knew that happy endings were not on the menu. Even love would not solve their lives, and no castle refuge would ever appear to protect them from the world. And yet they stood there, maybe a foot between them, and that was it. He was looking at her with something that was often in his eyes only for her, something she could never identify. It always made her fell warm, though, except tonight. Tonight it invited the cold, and yet she was still standing here, staring straight back. She wishes something would break the silence of the mournful music, anything to save her from this night. She knows nothing will. 

 

“Lily.”� His voice breaks it. Finally. Her name has never sounded so good, and she looks at him with a hunger for more. Nothing comes. That is all he says, and somehow it means more. A million things come from his words, and he has said nothing. A name, her name. She does the only thing she can think of.

 

“James.”� Her voice nearly cracks from nerves and she's never felt so scared in all her life. She needs an ending, or an answer. She’s about to do something she is wholeheartedly against. She’s never been one to be weak, or ask for help from another. She blames him for driving her this far. “What do we do?”�

 

He looks at her with a range of emotions contorting his face. He opened his mouth several times only to shut it moments later without making a sound. He finally just looked at her, and she knew, knew without doubt or reason. This was the beginning. 

 

Tonight, Tonight it had all begun. Without a shred of logic, it had begun.


End file.
